My New Do

To those of you who've asked that I post a picture of my new hair, here it is. Yep, it's pretty short, and truth be told, I've only really been wearing it in a tiny ponytail lately because I'm just not sure how I feel about it. But it's light and airy, and down here in the Southern summer swelter, light and airy is good. So I'm embracing the short do for now, but this time next year, I might be back to looking like I did in high school (and college, and after college, and pretty much every day of my life until last week). Hope you like it (and if you don't, please keep it to yourself, as I'm pretty emotional these days)!

What’s in a Number?

Have you ever had one of those days when you’re the happiest you can be and the most afraid you can be all at the same time? Today was one of those days for me.

It started out great. Kensie woke up happy; we had a great morning just hanging out; we went and met two of my best friends and their kids at the pool; we swam for hours; Kensie happily played with the other kids. I thought to myself, “This is the life! Maybe this unemployment thing won’t be so bad!” My two girlfriends are stay-at-home moms, and I’ve always thought how lucky they are to have that kind of stability in their lives. I still think that, especially after today. Unfortunately, the entire day, I was hyperaware of the fact that their lives were not in my future—not right now. Then I got home, and that reality really struck hard.

A letter came in the mail from the great state of Alabama. I knew it wouldn’t be good, but I didn’t realize how bad it could be. I mean, I’ve got a kid to support; I was sure they’d take that into consideration! I don’t get child support; surely that will make a difference! I have to pay for COBRA health insurance; they know how expensive that is! Diapers, wipes, baby clothes, organic food, car payment, health insurance, gas, daycare. Oh how naïve I can be.

After the initial shock of a number—$255 per week—I began to realize that I had so much for which to be grateful. I don’t have to worry about losing my home or not being able to feed and clothe my daughter or my car being repossessed or not being able to afford gas to get to job interviews. So I can’t buy myself or my daughter everything I’d like to whenever I’d like to. So I can’t go out and buy $12 glasses of wine with friends right now. So traveling might be out for awhile. What I quickly began to think about were all of the people out there who are not as privileged as me—the ones who live in their cars and in tent communities; the people who lived their lives straight and thought they were doing the very best for their families only to lose everything; the families who are split apart because they can’t afford to stay together. Those are the people who really need help.

Me, I’ll take my $255 and make the best of it because I am lucky enough to be able to do that. I’m sure I’ll be working soon (probably sooner than I’d like), and I know how precious this time with my daughter is. Whatever the future may hold, right now, you can find Kensie and me at the pool!

Bad Hair Day

When life is turned upside down for any reason—losing a job, having children, getting a divorce, moving across the country—I tend to think that’s the perfect time for some drastic change. I mean, I went from too busy to exercise, eat, and sleep to going to the gym in the morning, working on some things that are important to me (not my employer), taking a nap in the afternoon, and having time to write this blog in the daylight hours. I’m not sure things could have changed much more!

Last week (pre-layoff), I made a hair appointment. Just the typical trim-a-little-off-the-ends trip. But when someone handed me my life on a platter, I searched for something—anything—that I could control! So I went to see the girl who does my hair, and I told her to chop it. For those of you who know me well, you know that I have always had and probably in all likelihood should always have long hair. So this may come as a bit of a shock. But after much back-and-forth with Steph and assuring her that it is “just hair and will grow back, I promise,” I got what I wanted. (Well, not exactly what I wanted: I wanted to dye it black, but my mom was with me, and she’d have none of that!)

As I walked out of the salon about a pound lighter and my hair eight inches shorter, I wasn’t sure I’d made the right decision. I cried a little bit, and my mom reassured me it looked fabulous (that’s what mom’s are supposed to do, so that doesn’t offer much comfort). My daughter happily played with the new do but looked at me as if I might be someone different than she’s known for the past two years. My dad said nothing.

I haven’t shown the new “me” to friends yet (though I told a girlfriend on the phone this morning what I’d done, and she seemed in complete disbelief), and I haven’t decided whether I’m gonna start growing my hair back out today or keep the new look. But I know that I made the right decision. Taking control of your life is important. So many of us are stuck in this “machine” with others dictating when and where, how and why. Although there’s not always much that can be done about that right away, the one thing that each and every one of us can do is take control of our own destinies. Getting my hair cut off was the first step for me. Whether I keep the bob or grow out my locks (yet again), I know I’m now on the right road and that something great is just around the corner.

(Picture to come just as soon as I can get my camera cord back from the former employer.)